First of all I just want to say, “HYPE!” I’m extremely hyped because I get to talk about one of my favorite childhood games, Primal Rage. Years ago, in a time where it was cool to wear white socks over spandex and MTV showed Music videos, I remember my brother coming home with a blockbuster box in his hand eager to try out a new game. I looked at the black print on the box confused it wasn’t a Mortal Kombat game.

My brother explained to me that it was like Mortal Kombat and just like that, I was sold on the game. Real talk, I’m so glad I grew out of that. I too would have been taken by the No Man’s Sky hype as a kid. Anyway, that game was Primal Rage. We only had the game for a few days before begging our parents to purchase the game so we could keep it for ever.

I remember enjoying the music, Vertigo has the sickest theme of the game, and the unique health bars. It was cool that they used the Street Fighter stun mechanic but instead of a regular bar, they used a tolerance meter which lead up to a brain indicating brain damage and thus showing you the character was stunned. Looking back on the game now, I feel like I appreciate the game Primal Rage was even more. Okay, enough gloating about my past experiences. Time to talk about Primal Rage.

According to the Primal Rage wikia, Primal Rage is a versus fighting game developed and published by Atari Games in 1994 as an arcade video game. The story behind Primal rage was dystopian future with dinosaur “gods”.

A meteor strike devastates the Earth. Technology ceased to exist (no more Facebook so that’s cool), civilization has been utterly reduced to rubble, and humans have regressed into tribes of Stone Age dwellers (kinda like the night Trump got elected). Earth was then referred to as “Urth” as primordial rain forest covered the land and numerous new species have evolved.

Seven creatures, possibly controlled by Quan Chi, emerged to wage war for control over the new world. There were creatures who wanted to keep the peace and those who want to see the world burn (Diablo was the scorpion of this game).

armadon

Armadon: God of Life. Armadon defends Twitter…err I mean Urth from the evil gods. He also plays Street Fighter 5 and uses the same meditation technique Tokido uses.

blizzard

Blizzard: God of good and virtue. So according to his bio he is the protagonist of Primal Rage. Didn’t know that prior to writing this article so we both win on the knowledge front. Much like Armadon, Blizzard is trying to protect the world from the evil gods. He also gets all the chicks apparently.

chaos

Chaos: God of Decay. So this is one of the only weird character in Primal Rage. Chaos used to actually be a human scientist and witch doctor (for some reason) that was transformed into his current ape form.

Chaos is the most disgusting character of the game as well. Throwing up, pissing on his opponents and dissolving the flesh of his enemies with a jet of acidic urine. That last thing was actually censored because it was deemed too disgusting.

diablo

God of evil and destruction. So he’s the main antagonist of the game. Again, didn’t know this until I started writing this. The leader of the destructive beasts, Diablo just wants to create what the developers of No Man’s Sky experienced, a living hell. He has sweet teleports and stuff, but apparently he’s weak at close range.

sauron

Sauron: God of hunger and creator of the Food Network, is also one of the main protagonists. I mean, at this point I’m not even sure where wikia got their information from. Nothing in the game implied these guys were good or evil until the end. Even then, who would know they worked together?

Anyway, Sauron eats people all the time. So much so, in Sauron’s ending in the unreleased Primal Rage 2, Sauron’s worshipers have weekly orgies to maintain their numbers.

talon

Talon: My main man Talon. God of survival (he pretty much beat hell mode on SFV with all the characters), is pretty much in this to protect his family. He’s on some Tsubaki Yayoi or Noel Vermillion level of protectiveness.

vertigo

Vertigo: Goddess of Insanity. Being apart of the destructive beasts, Vertigo wants to enslave the human race and make them build insane structures like tumblr pages consisting 90% of gifs that slow the page down to a crawl.

 

If you want to play Primal Rage for the mid 90s violent video game feel, a perfect version of the game is available here. I recommend you configure your buttons. Also, I mention Primal Rage 2 in this article. Below are links to Primal Rage 2 so you can learn more about it. The only arcade cabinet in existence of Primal Rage 2 is at Galloping Ghost Arcade.

Primal Rage 2 Character endings

Primal Rage 2 Play

Primal Rage 2